There are five phases that most people pass through in their individual process in       therapy with me. People who seek help from a psychotherapist do so because they are experiencing a problem or difficulty in their lives. That is the simplest of truths and there is nothing fanciful about that. Nonetheless, people often fear the stigma of seeking help due to cultural and social attitudes, not to mention the fear of their own minds and what they might face. They often find it difficult to admit to themselves that they have problems and they cannot fix their problems on their own.

Each of the five phases I will refer to can be present simultaneously during the therapy, but generally, there is a gradual progression through each of the phases.

 

Phase One

The person needs to spend quite an amount of time coming to understand his or her problem. Feeling the pain from the problem is not enough. She or he must understand fully the truth and depth of their problem. Many questions arise. When did this begin? What were the precipitating factors? Why is it emotionally painful? How does the emotional pain manifest in one’s body? What do you do to minimise this? Have these actions set up unwanted habits and behaviors? If one is having trouble in a relationship of some kind, ‘what part do I play in it?’ Throughout this exploratory time a person can thoroughly own their problem within what has become a safe psychotherapeutic relationship. By coming to understand their problems thoroughly and not just the painful emotions they cause the person moves into another phase.

Phase Two

Do you want to change? All too often when a person is saying they want to change they are actually meaning that they want to be rid of their pain and suffering. They want their mental, emotional and physical pain to stop. They are not necessarily intending to change in their deepest selves. They have never even thought about how they may achieve this or how difficult and complicated it might be to change. After all, human nature itself possesses a strong component of resistance to change. In therapy the mind can get a little tricky at this point when we find out that in order to change we will have to face some undesirable facts about ourselves and may have to apply a lot of effort to a process of change.

Phase Three

What does one need to do in order to change? This part of therapy is where we find out what we can do in order to change. It is crucial to our progress and it is also a pivotal point to the therapy itself. The first step is to start observing ourselves. This has to be developed and can take some time because there are many obstacles when it comes to applying this amount of mindfulness, staying truthfully aware! When we simply notice ourselves we come to know ourselves a little better. We create a new understanding about ourselves from which we can work. We can begin to change our habitual behaviours only when we acknowledge them and come to understand them more deeply. When we acknowledge them in relationship with another person such as a therapist we can train ourselves to take responsibility for them. We can learn through our own mindfulness to apply techniques in order to turn years-old habitual patterning around. For instance, if we are troubled by anger we can learn to observe the very subtle beginnings of annoyance which may be leading to an eventual angry outburst. By these observations we learn that we can interrupt the build-up of emotion so that we do not engage in an angry outburst with somebody or some situation. Instead, we become watchful and we notice signs of agitation. We can move away from the agitation, or when we are strong enough just not allow ourselves to be agitated. We can re-train our minds. We can watch our thoughts that lead us into a depressed mood. We learn techniques to let go of the thoughts and ease ourselves away from depression. When our ‘significant other’ is rude or mean to us we can decide to suppress a negative response. We can walk away. We decide not to react. Our watcher becomes very alert and eventually can take command of a situation. We learn we can make choices by stengthening our minds.

Phase Four

Once we know about what we can do to change we face the challenge of a commitment to applying our knowledge and techniques we learn. This can be an extemely challenging time as we go deeper and find out that we are not strong in our motivation. We want to apply ourselves to the practice of choice and we suddenly feel too weak, too terrified. It is all very painful. We resist because we lose or cannot find any motivation. Something inside us tells us to go back to the old familiar behaviours. We have to learn ways to constantly apply our rational knowledge in pressured situations. We learn to overcome our constant resistance which is arising from old familiar compulsions and desires.
During this tme, the fourth phase, the therapist will be observing, sometimes provoking and always encouraging, supporting and guiding the person. Great progress can be made as all of our passions, dreams, inclinations and aspirations are tested. Rules and strategies are applied to combat our weaknesses. A lot of mental and mind training is done. With diligence and effort every goal can be achieved. It is never too hard, just hard at times. We must apply a lot of discipline which the engagement in therapy supports very well and everything we are striving for can definitely happen.

Phase Five
A fifth phase emerges especially after a lot of involvement and practice and this is simply the result! We begin to notice we are changing. We feel different. Other people notice we are changing. We have more energy and clarity and sometimes notice we feel more positive. We even experience a little happiness for no particular reason. The original problems we were having at the beginning of therapy are not experienced now as problematic. The same things can be happening but our minds have changed and our responses are not negative or emotionally charged. It would be true to say that in my experience most people who enter into therapy of this kind achieve changes far surpassing their original intention.

Added Note:

I am constantly amazed at the different kinds of people I see for therapy, and, as with most therapists, I have developed a reputation for being good at helping people in certain stages in their lives. Actually, because of my deep interest in humans and my want for them to be happy I have had to continue my own journey and work very deeply on myself so that I offer authentic knowledge and understanding from a certain amount of wisdom from my own mind. Once one knows more about the human mind one can help almost anybody. Because of this I am very versatile, very eclectic and can meet with all kinds of people and help them evolve. I think the most important work in this world as a therapist is the work of guiding and supporting parents. Fathers and Mothers and caregivers of children hold the greatest power and potence for a human being’s potential simply because they are affecting the developing child. They are the key factor in forming the child as to who they will be as an adult. Every single moment of a child’s development is crucial in how and who they will become later in life. Their bodies, their brains, their emotions, their mentality, their whole mind forms because of the effects of our actions, our guidance our love and kindness, or unfortunately, a lack thereof. So this has become a special area in my work. I love to help people in their all too often difficult job of parenting. It is a great joy to me when parents learn how to help their children develop into happier, relaxed, successful people. After all, if the right kind of loving, and kind parenting happens from the beginning of life there will be no great need to see a person like me and if that ever happens, what a great time that will be!

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As a psychotherapist with many years experience, and an older and wiser one, I have often seen people who have come to a point where they have no purpose in their lives. Their problems are not great. They are comfortable, well employed or retired, or they may still be quite young but experiencing severe disillusionment and are seeking some deeper meaning in their life. They come with that very question. What is this life all about? What is the meaning of being on this earth? I think that every good psychotherapist will be personally confronted by this question constantly, just by the nature of their work and the best of these therapists will undergo a particular journey to find out the answer for themselves. I have been very fortunate to do this myself and have found my own answers with the help and guidance of many learned ones along the way. This has helped me to be very settled as a therapist because, after all, when I consider the range of people I see, from the person who comes to see me because they are stricken with grief at the loss of a husband, wife, partner or lover to the man I saw recently who was quite frail and wanted to know what happens when you die, we all really are eventually and ultimately on the same journey needing to know what this life is all about and especially why we are here at all.

Long term therapy will eventually lead people to explore these very questions because when people work out how to manage their lives and be a little happier I see that it naturally opens the door of the mind to wonder a bit more about the meaning of life. I have seen many people move on from their therapy and into some kind of exploration around religion or philosophy. Some go back to explore their childhood religion which they may have rejected long ago. It is through adversity that this movement toward exploring a meaning to life can occur and it helps when a small amount of space is created in people’s minds. Therapy can assist this very nicely.