What To Do For Now

One of the greatest problems when suffering in a depressed mind state is that it feels as though the depression has a hold of you and you do not feel equipped to do anything about it.

I have to remind you that this is what it feels like. The feeling aspect of depression or being in a low mood is something that needs to be broken down, torn apart. Feelings are just that... feelings. They come from where? They go to where? The fact is they come and then they go. Unfortunately your feeling is not going away. So you feel dominated by the feeling, the condition. You believe it rules you. That is what it FEELS like.

Along with this your thoughts are creating all kinds of scenarios in your mind and causing you havoc. You readily draw on thoughts that take you into that feeling or exacerbate the feeling. Later, not this minute maybe, you will have to be taught how to control your thinking. That is entirely possible for you to do that... control your thinking. Believe me. It is also entirely essential even though at present you cannot believe you could learn how to achieve that.

What you don't realise is that you still have the power to do something. I know it doesn't 'feel' as though you do. With help you can change that. With support you can change that entirely.

Your stage of 'depression' along with all of the variation of separate symptoms would determine what advice I would give but since you are looking at this page right here now and if you are wanting advice or answers right here now I firstly must advise you, as I do everybody, to seek help in some form or other... local help that is. If you are suffering a lot and feel suicidal I suggest you see a person who knows about how to give immediate help. The places you can call or go to are any local Mental Health Service, a hospital, Doctor, a Psychiatrist, Psychologist, Therapist or Counsellor. You could also ring a help line in your locality. Also, a friend or acquaintance will always listen. You MUST tell somebody. Just to be able to tell somebody about how you feel will help relieve your pain. You are in deep mental anguish which is painful and just as you may have sought help for physical pain before, you must seek help for your mental pain. Please do not feel even more despondent from reading this advice. This is probably not very appealing at the moment. In fact, you may say, 'that is the last thing I feel like doing.' I understand that just now this may be true.

So ...if you decide not to see a 'professional' just now then see a friend. Ring somebody. You would be amazed to find how caring many people are. They would never want you to feel guilty or ashamed or a nuisance. So do it.

If you decide to take no action at this present time, then don't... please don't kill yourself. Don't plan. Don't ruminate. Don't think negatively for now.

I have helped many people who want to 'end it all'. They want to kill themselves. I ask just one question. "How sure are you that dying will be the end of all your pain and suffering?" Suicide is a risky business but a very understandable consideration when you feel there is no hope and you feel you cannot tolerate the pain you are in. Don't do it to yourself and don't 'do it' to others. Every suicide has a tremendous negative impact on many people, close and far away. I understand it for you, but what about others? Don't you think it is just a little bit selfish when others will spend the rest of their lives in pain? Many times I have seen people who are suicidal and I find out that a parent, relative, friend, child has committed suicide. The impact has been devastating. They have learned from these people that this is an answer. Do you want to teach people that? Maybe you could think a little bit about others not committing suicide by you not committing suicide. This is a brave statement for me to make but I have known it to help people not end their own lives. That is important.

If you are at a stage where you truly believe you have caused so many people so much pain and think they are quite tired of you , you may be right. But now you are thinking they would be better off if you killed yourself. THIS IS NOT TRUE. Time and again I have helped people with their agony that has persisted when someone close has committed suicide. Please know that the pain you believe they are in now is far, far less than the pain they will feel after you no longer exist. This is an enormous problem. I am helping a family right now. A teenage daughter killed herself recently. Her eleven year old brother found her hanging from a curtain rod … dead. How are we to help him heal. His parents are so distraught. They are not coping with his distress. This poor fifteen year old girl would never have wanted her brother to find her. Her parents have told me this but he did. You will never know how anyone will cope with you gone forever. Not one person on this whole planet will be happier and no one will ever really know whether you will be happier or not. I myself happen to place great value on having a life, not just mine, but every person's life is of extreme importance, truly precious. I feel lucky to have a deep appreciation about being alive. I wish that for you because one day when you feel better and you come to find some value in being alive you will never have to think about suicide again.

For anyone else, again … talk to somebody about how you are really feeling. That is number one. It will relieve a lot of tension in your mind and give you a little bit of ease. If your low mood has taken you over, gotten you in its clutches then you definitely need help. You can 'search' the internet about Depression where you will see many ideas about what you can do. Choose only one thing at a time and be active about it. You have to act. Don't stay stuck any longer. Make a decision for change. Use your mind. Even though you feel down, there is a lot of energy in that down feeling. Have you ever seen a horse fall down? They have had a shock or whatever and they fall down. When they are on the ground they use a lot of energy to get back up. It can be very difficult for them. They are down but they have to engage a ton of energy which they use to get themselves back on their feet. Harness that energy of your depressed state of mind and move, act, say something different to yourself. Make up something positive to say even though you don't feel like it.

I recently watched a documentary. It was about a forest in Japan where people go to commit suicide. It is at the base of Mt Fuji. It looked to be a beautiful haunting place full of trees and rocks laden with bright green moss. A Mt Fuji volcanologist was on suicide prevention duty exploring the area where many people had committed suicide. He knew a lot about the suicide culture and the documentary crew filmed many bizarre scenes showing numbers of dried out blood stained rope nooses lying on the ground. There were suicide messages hammered to trees. There were skeletons lying on the ground dressed in the clothes the person had committed suicide in. Eventually, during the filming, the volcanologist came across a bright yellow tent. He tried to peek in at the person inside but the person, a young man, zipped up the tent immediately. So the volcanologist and the young guy had a conversation through the closed tent. The young man said he was OK. He was in the forest to do a fast. The volcanologist was very kind to him. He chatted a bit, never mentioning suicide of course and then told him, "You will have to move on. You are not allowed to stay in the forest. Stay positive" and then he left him.

At the end of the documentary a caption came across the screen. It said that the young guy had been persuaded to leave the forest a few days later. He said that he had been there to commit suicide because life had not given him anything.

As the old saying goes 'Life is what you make it.' Life itself may never give us anything … but problems. We must continuously remind ourselves that life is not here to give us anything. We can't expect it to do that. At the same time life does present us with amazing opportunities. We have to learn how to follow that. We have to learn and relearn about how NOT to follow our low depressive moods. We can take an enormous amount from life but life in itself is not some kind of entity and it may not necessarily give us anything. So don't live in expectation.

Doing something now is not easy without some kind of assistance. You need support. It is possible to come out of a bout of negativity and doubt by yourself actually, but generally that does not happen.

As the volcanologist said so simply as he walked away from the young man who was wanting to commit suicide, "Try to stay positive." That encouragement may have saved the young man's life.

And here's an idea or two:

Don't think a negative thought more than once otherwise the negative thinking will become your only companion.

DON'T FOLLOW THE STORIES YOUR NEGATIVE STATE OF MIND IS MAKING UP IN YOUR HEAD. DON'T DO THAT TO YOURSELF. THE VICTIM YOU FEEL IS THE VICTIM YOU ARE CREATING.

Feel the energy of your depression and move your body. Go for a walk.

Don't be angry. The anger is holding you there in your negative state of mind.

Everything has to be done one step at a time. That is the only way.

People can give you a lot of help and support but they have needs too. They need your co-operation to help them help you. They cannot 'save' you. They can help you and support you.

REMEMBER The sun still shines way deep behind your low mood in your Blue Sky Mind, I wish you the best.